Conan the Barbarian (1982)

Step back into the Hyborian Age as the Born to Watch team revisits the sword-swinging, snake-worshipping, bass-drum-thumping fantasy epic that turned Arnold Schwarzenegger from a musclebound oddity into a bona fide cinematic icon. In this week’s episode, Matt, Damo, and Will the Worky unsheath their mics and tackle John Milius' 1982 cult classic in our Conan the Barbarian (1982) Review, a film where dialogue is sparse, but biceps and barbarism are abundant.

From the first clang of steel to the last decapitated villain, the team dissects how Conan carved a path for modern sword-and-sorcery flicks. They marvel at Basil Poledouris' thunderous score, which practically carries the film on its symphonic shoulders, because let’s face it, Arnie wasn’t hired for his monologues (all 76 words of them). The music, paired with breathtaking cinematography and operatic violence, sets a tone so grand it makes modern blockbusters feel like children's theatre.

Matt reminisces about watching Conan far too young, the kind of early exposure to gore and magic that forges lifelong genre fans, or scars. Damo is surprised by how little he remembered and how much more there was to appreciate in the rewatch, especially the high fantasy structure and iconic character archetypes. Meanwhile, while watching it for the first time, Will finds joy in the bizarre mix of stoic barbarism and pseudo-philosophy, and even draws connections to his favourite cult flicks.

The team dives deep into the lore, from Nietzsche quotes (anachronistically inserted, of course) to the Riddle of Steel, and unpacks Conan's journey from orphaned child to vengeful demigod. They salute James Earl Jones’ haunting performance as Thulsa Doom, complete with snake eyes and an even more chilling voice and appreciate how he lends gravitas to a film otherwise packed with loincloths and camo body paint.

There’s plenty of laughs, too. From the bizarrely tame “orgy” scene (more twister than temptation) to the ineptitude of Thulsa Doom’s guards who fall like dominoes, no absurdity is safe. The guys revel in the moments where the film leans into camp, noting that sometimes a little cheese makes the fantasy feast even better.

But it’s not all satire and side-eyes. They pay proper homage to the movie’s impact on pop culture and its clear influence on everything from Game of Thrones to Willow. There's admiration for the throwback practical effects, the majestic (if questionably choreographed) sword fights, and the sheer cinematic ambition that poured from every dust-covered frame.

Of course, no Born to Watch episode would be complete without some detours into the ridiculous. You'll hear about suspiciously hygienic cave-dwellers, the logistics of snake cult recruitment, and even a story involving an orgy, a wall, and a very confident swinger. Yep, it's that kind of episode.
 

So, whether you’re a lifelong Conan fan or just now discovering that sword and sorcery can be both epic and unintentionally hilarious, this episode is a glorious deep-dive into a film that helped define 1980s fantasy cinema and the Born to Watch crew wouldn’t have it any other way.

Listen now on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts!

Join the conversation:
Is Conan the most iconic role of Arnold’s career?
Does Basil Poledouris’ score make this an all-time great?
What’s the most badass moment in the film?

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